What in the world happened to the week? I mean, where'd it go?
It seems that all of my well intentions this week were supersceded by life. I'm reminded by a quote I saw once that went something like:
Life is what happens when you're making plans.I need to make that my mantra, because regardless of the plans I make, somehow destiny has other ideas for what I should be doing. This week was no different.
After staying up much too late on Sunday night/Monday morning deeply involved in a great conversation with a new friend, I found myself in the emergency room Monday afternoon with pain so unbearable that they actually sent me away from work. On a side note, the actual reason why I was there was far less serious than the ER Dr. imagined. Regardless of that fact, I was quite happy that my complaints were taken seriously. I mean, lets face it. We have all made trips to the Dr. that have turned out to be nothing. 12 hours, a dead cellphone battery, a cat scan and an ultrasound later, they sent me home with some wicked pain pills and a note to stay home from work on Tuesday.
That was the beginning of my week, which seemed to have spiraled from there. I did, however, get an appointment with a physician on Thursday... long overdue. I'm always nervous about seeing a Dr. for the first time, but I have to say... I liked this one. She really didn't mince words, and it was obvious that she paid attention to my concerns about treatment methods. I'm really looking forward to getting the diabetes back under control, as well as the depression I've been dealing with for the past year, and just feeling better in general.
Damnit that pain stuff... I have rambled on so much, I forgot where I was going... sigh...
So, after getting set up with this dr and feeling really good about it, I decided that I didn't really want to sit at home alone all night last night. Sooooo.... I packed up my afghan and hooks and took myself down to the StitchnBitch - Central Houston GTG. This was my second week in attendance, and I have to say, I really enjoy myself. I'm actually learning from these women, most of whom are knitters. So much so, that I went out an bought my first pair of needles this week. They were kind enough to help me figure out the basics... its soo cool *hehe*
Its safe to say that last night was the highlight of my week... which was spent in a haze for the most part.
Now... It eleven o'clock on a Friday night and I'm sitting at home pretending to be happy about it. Which is probably a big ol' contributor to the whole depression thing... but its cool... because I had an opportunity to get some of what I had planned to do this week done... PACK. That's right. The clock is now less than two weeks till moving day... and I'm no where close to being where I wanted to be at this point... and I'm quickly running out of boxes.
On the romance side of things, I'm in a bit of a struggling state right now.
Basically, I think I'm confused about what I want, and what men want from me.
I mean, its no suprise what men want from me... most of them tell me every chance they get. The struggle comes from what I want from them... and my inability to demand that. The interesting conversation with the new friend sunday night, and then again last night offered some insight... but I'm still soooooooooo confused.
Do I want to put the enery into another relationship? I don't think so...
But am I happy with the purely casual route? Not really.
Is the fact that I want more than casual, nameless sex an indicator that I want a serious relationship? Or is it an indicator that I want to be treated like a human being, an amazing woman, or (dare I say) a great lover?
What's so wrong with wanting to be wanted... to be appreciated... and why do men have such a hard time wanting and appreciating?
Don't get me wrong... for the men out there who do appreciate me ... much kudos... your appreciation is... well... appreciated.
It just seems to me that there seems to be a spectrum in the types of relationships that men want:
[insert cheesy graphic here]
on the far left you have the "Purely Penis Men." These are the men who want nothing more than to meet for a night of extremely unconnected sex. This group is likely to include the married, the girl-friended, the too "good" to be tied down, and the secret holders.
They are easy to identify by a few characteristic attributes.
1. They don't need your phone number. There's no point really because they'll never use it, unless they can't find you online. Even if you didn't meet him online, that's how he'll contact you.
2. They have absolutely no interest in any normal dating rituals. Movies? Dinner? Dancing?
3. They actually believe that a woman will be completely comfortable inviting them over to her apartment after meeting for coffee. *I'm sorry, but if we haven't met at least three times in a neutral location, you're not even getting a general area*
Now, on the other end of the spectrum you've got the "love me! Now!s" They are looking for their next big relationship... and believe they have found it in you. I haven't had many experiences with this end of the spectrum this time around. In my experienced this group is also likely to include the Married, the Girl-friended, as well as the Freshly-Wounded, the Yet-to-be-Wounded, and the Lonely-for-too-Long. For the most part, they are good guys with big hearts, they just don't have a grasp of concept of boundaries.
My observations have lead me to conclude that the "love me!s" have a set of attributes unique to their end of the spectrum.
1. Will proudly request your phone number relentlessly. Once they get it, you can expect at least 10 phone calls a day.
2. Profess their love for you after about three dates. It doesn't matter if you're an ax murderer... they know love when they see it.
3. Offer you the moon and the stars regardless of their ability to deliver.
While the "Love Me!s" may be flattering at first... their attention quickly becomes less than desireable. I know its sad... these are good guys, and they deserve good women... but they shoot themselves in their sweet little foot by trying sooooo hard.
So, I should mention that this model is a work in progress... Cinco... thanks for helping me get the ball rolling ;)
Now... you are probably thinking to yourself... okay... so Ms. Know-it-all.... where is your desired spot on the spectrum.... and after doing a lot of thinking...
I'd have to say that my current search is for a man that slides to the left just a little. And what type of man is that exactly?
OOOOH... let's see... hmmmm...
He's got his own life... doesn't latch on to me too quickly. Has my phone number and uses it at least once a day, at that one point where I enter his thoughts.
He's not afraid to meet me for a few movies or dinner, or introduce me to his favorite coffee spot before we take things to a more intimate setting.
He's willing to accept the fact that my job comes before everything and my daughter trumps all.
He's got to be confident enough to realize that while no means no, its not necessarily rejection. Not all women give what they got at the drop of a hat. Some want to know that what they have is going to a deserving person, and it takes time to know whether he is deserving.
He's got to respect the fact that this point in my life, I don't want to walk down the isle, co-habitate, or reproduce, and there is a possiblity that I may not want to do any of those again.
I know... I'm asking alot. I don't expect to find him right away... but, at least I know what to keep my eye out for :)
I think this Vicodin induced rambling has lasted long enough... if you've made it this far, I must commend you on your ability to follow my thoughts.
Laters,
Chem
