WTF?!?

Okay, I want to ask a question... and if you have an honest answer, please let me have it.

Why is it that just when you start to move on with your life... getting things together and enjoying what you've made for yourself... that one person who can throw a wrench into all of your decent feelings just decides to contact you... not for any particual reason... just cause he was bored?

Geezus!

Granted I'm not going nuts... I really could care less about his meager little exsistance, but damnit leave me the hell alone.

I refuse to be some little toy that he plays with when his current long term relationship *cough* is unavailible. I refuse to be that shoulder to cry on in a month when that long term relationship *cough* is over.

A little narcistic man who can't decide if he loves me or hates me diggin his nails into me for his own amusement... keeping me around for his convenience... I'm sooooooo over it.

You wonder why I feel the way I do about men? HE is the reason. HE is the reason I will never open my heart completely. HE is the reason I will always suspect I'm being lied to.

I almost have to laugh... three long term relationships in a year... exactly how long is long term? Makes me wonder how I held on to him for 2 and a half years.

But then again, I fear I am still giving him too much power. And that's a problem.

The cool thing is... I do smile, and I do laugh, and I do love... I'm stronger now than I have ever been. More confident, more bold. Gracious for what I have and hopeful for the future. Secure in the fact that I will find a person that makes me happy, that earns my trust, that accepts my flaws.

In the mean time, what I get to do is be me, the loving, caring, hopefully less bitter, woman that I can't hide from people. And develop strong connections with the ones that are close to me, who love me regardless of my imperfections, who laugh at my stupid jokes, and cry with me when I'm hurting.

Yeah, I'm going to be okay... we're all going to be just fine.