On the brink of sanity?

Nah, I don't think I've gone insane yet.

Actually, maybe a little surprised. You see, my lack of blogging in the last six months has a bit to do with the fact that I've been pretty involved with a certain somone. Sweet man, I don't deny that. But lately, we seem to have drifted apart. Its hard to say exactly when, but in the last few weeks I noticed that he has stopped calling me, stopped making an effort to come see me... and perhaps what hurt most, I won't even discuss here.

I noticed changes in myself as well, which should have been a clue that I should have ended it sooner. I found myself making excuses not to do things with him. Found myself a little more flirty. Found myself wondering what was on the otherside. I stopped trying to maintain this relationship. I'll admit, it bothered me. But not as much as the realization that he stopped trying long before I did.

So, I'm not perfect, I realize that. But, of course, there are two sides of every story. So as he called tonight to inform me that he felt like we couldn't continue on the path we were on, I thought about all of the things that got to me about him. I feel shitty about not telling him, but honestly the thought of ending the relationship has been heavy on my mind for quite some time. I've just been too much of a wimp to actually tell him how i felt. So he called me up tonight, and ended it for me.

I guess this is a good thing. I mean, it really was a relationship of convenience. He was right in that. But now i'm alone again... and that kind of sucks.

I can also be thankful that in knowing him, I learned alot about what i want in life. I now know a little more about the man I want to be with in the end, if I want to be with anyone at all. Now, that's not true, I don't want to be alone. At least not in the end.