I feel bad - Rascal Flatts

I normally to write about songs... but seems that lately songs have been getting to me more and more. Tonight, I found this song on the new Rascal Flatts CD. What got to me, is that it is exactly what I'm feeling right now about M***. While I mentioned before that I pretty much caused the break up passively, I still feel pretty bad about being the way I acted. What's getting me now, is that I feel kind of bad that I'm still completely functional.

I'm not angry, resentful, or depressed. I just wanna move on.

So I have friends who tell me that maybe I jumped the gun on this one. That I shouldn't expect perfection. That I don't know what I'm giving up.

And maybe they're right... about not knowing what I gave up. But what i know is that what i was dealing with wasn't enough to convince me that i should do anything but give it up.

So, I'm listening to this song... and I realize that this song has made me think more about the situation than I have in a week. But I'm thinking more of how I'm gonna do things differently next time. How I, as a girlfriend, need to be more communicative, while finding a less stand-offish balance. How I need to make more time for my guy, alone. How I need to get past the money thing.... BAD.

It seems that in the last two years, I've gone from one extreme to the other. With C****, it was all about making him happy, regardless of what it did to me. When that ended, I vowed that I wasn't going to sacrifice my well-being for anyone else. With M***, I held fast to that. Didn't bend at all... and that was wrong. I should have tried harder to anticipate his needs.

So, as I'm thinking about this, driving down the expressway, it dawns on me... This isn't me wanting another chance to make things right with him. This is me learning from it. I think to myself... well now you know you need to do things differently next time.

And that's the cool thing... Even though I feel bad about not feeling bad, I'm pretty confident in the future. Confident that I can move past this... take what i've learned, and become a better woman for it. Because, what would make me feel even worse would be me leaving this experience having learned nothing about myself.