What a nice house you have!

First of all, it has come to my attention that I may be a bit forward when posting to this blog. Well, let me say this. I am at heart a writer. Perhaps not by trade, but my thoughts lay on the screen better than they lay in my head. I choose to lay them here for the amusement of others, and perhaps the shock and amazement.

With that said... I had an interesting evening. Lil'Chem's end of year volleyball party was tonight, and I had the pleasure of accompanying her. The party occured in the amazing house that makes my measley apt look like a crackerjack box. I tried to play of the intimidation as I entered the party and realized that I was in for a night for the books. Not only was I the youngest parent there, it was quite obvious that these people were out of my league.

It sucks being an outsider.

I knew I didn't have anything in common with these people. Their girls had all grown up together. Went to the same elementary schools... in the same soccer league... played softball together. My daughter, the shortest in the group, does not live in their neighborhood, does not play sports with them, and is apparently "zoned" to the "wrong" highschool.

Regardless of my intimidation, everyone was extremely friendly. And I even got to chat with a teacher that I've noticed around the school.

Driving home through this neighborhood, I got this crazy feeling of regret. Regret for my station in life, for the choices i've made, for the life ahead of me. If I had made smarted decisions as a teenager, and not ended up pregnant at 16, would I have gone on to college, and a successfull career? Would I have set myself up to be financially steady before starting a family? Have I hurt my child because I couldn't/can't afford to put her in soccer/softball/lacrosse/swimming/ballet?

If I had made better choices, is it possible that I could be in a house like that? Am I lame enough to even care?

I know the answer. The answer is that I am still young. Its that I still have many good years ahead of me. I'm successful considering the circumstances. After all, I could be the mother 0f 3, married to a dead beat, sitting at home watching soap operas waiting for the food stamps to come in. When I look at it that way, it doesn't seem so horrible. I may not be able to give her everything that her classmates have today... but she's learning something by watching me, and that sits well with me.