Five Years Later

I'm reading my last blog post, and OMG, what was I thinking. Such a strange time that was. Good to know that I didn't stay there forever. So much in my life has changed. That was right before I met my best friend, and husband. With all of the changes in my life, I'm going to take a moment to change the format of this site. I'll be using it to showcase my photography, and discuss some of my adventures as a bariatric patient.

I'm not 30 YET DAMMIT!

I'm not 30 YET DAMMIT! Current mood: Curled up tight under a rock So, I'm looking at my myspace profile... and I notice that it says that I'm 30. I'm thinking WTF!?! My birthday isn't for another 4 days! Oh well... If myspace says its true, it must be. I gotta say, its gearing up to be a craptacular week... just perfect leading up to the big day. I spent the day at work nursing a hangover, counting the hours until i could leave that place. Its a slow time for me these days, so I'm constantly searching for things to keep me busy. After having survived the lengthy day that it was, I get a call from a very good friend, who just happens to be passing through Houston. Great, I think, I got something to do for dinner. Nope, no stops... I'll just have to drive to San Antonio Friday night... riiiiiight. Homeward bound, I climb the stairs to my apartment, in which i have spent just enough time to create a nice little cluttered mess. I sigh... the realization that I'm lonlier than lonely hits hard. I pet my cats, who, it seems, are the only souls that notice I exist (probably because i'm the source of their food). I turn on the TV and lay down on the couch. One of the cats is climbing over my head on his way to his perch on the back of the couch... I only mention this little tidbit because the fucker slipped and took a chunk out of my eyelid. The blood is cleaned up... and the bandaid is a nice touch. Pissed at the cat... at my friends... at myself, I'm ready to throw in the towel... can I skip my birthday this year? Crawl under that rock that keeps me safe and warm? Lick my wounds and carry on? A break would do me good... Currently listening : I Write Sins Not Tragedies By Panic! at the Disco Release date: By 02 November, 2006

Happy Holidays!

Wow... the Christmas Season is in full swing now!

For me that means tons of christmas music, crocheting christmas stockings, and connecting with as many friends as possible.

This year, it also means that I'm on the home stretch to my thirtieth birthday (32 days and counting). I have to say, I'm looking forward to it, somewhat. I mean, I know I'm not old, by anymeans, and I still know how to party like a rockstar, although I don't know if I'll ever forget how to do that. I can't help but wonder if my thirties will be any better than my twenties. From the looks of things, I can't imagine why not. Things have really taken an upward swing in the last two years. The way see it, if i can make it through highschool with the kiddo, I'll be free sailing from there.

I have to admit, this being the parent of a teenager is kind of cool. She has her own life now, and that doesn't always have to include me. This frees me up, on occassion, to do grown up things, like meet some friends for dinner, take in a show, or even, just veg out at home, like I'm doing tonight.

Have I mentioned that the Holidays are near?!?

There are three times of the year I look forward to with extreme excitement. Second Friday in March. Memorial Day. Second Friday in December. These seemingly random days hold high importance in this household. On these days, my child makes a pilgrimage to her father's house for an extended period of time. For me, these days represent the beginning of a period of truely singleness, that can be as invigorating as it is depressing. Fortunately, my last few periods of liberation have been more adventurous than not, so I'm rather looking forward to this one.

It officially begins on the 15th, just over 2 weeks from today, conveniently the same day as my company Christmas Party. No, it wasn't planned that way... wait, who am I kidding? of course it was ;) I didn't want to have a cerfew that night... so shoot me

Ahhh the Christmas Party... decidedly a bigger deal than my senior prom, it is by far the biggest social event in my circle. Black Tie requested, meaning that my dress has to be spectacular, since my goal is to turn heads again this year. Unfortunately, I have more time to find my dress than I do to find a date... RSVPs are due Friday. That's tough since I've spent most of the fall concentrating on being a mom and helping with algebra homework than I have looking for Mr. Right. And since the RSVP requires a guest name (so that they can be party to the perks of the party), I had to get creative. So I turned my RSVP in to HR today and the "Guest" line read: Prince Charming - yet to be determined. It may end up that I end up dragging one of the other single mom's with me. If that's the case, she's in for quite and awsome night. No worries tho. If I go alone, I go alone, and I'll dance with Mr Great-Big-Tall-TeddyBear guy from extractions, and spend the evening mingling with clients.

On that note, my quiet evening comes to an end as I wander back out to katy to pick up my kid.
Before I go.....
I'm thinking of doing something awsome for myself for my birthday... any suggestions?

Hang In There GIRL!

I can't believe its Tuesday night. And roughly three weeks after beginning the highest workload I've experienced at my current employer, today, I placed the last stamp of approval on the last piece of data I'm going to look at prior to my vaction which starts promptly at 5 pm on Friday.

I have to say that the last couple of weeks have been a nightmare, but extremely eye-opening. My experience of evaluating data that was submitted without the knowledge that review was pending raises quite a few questions as to practices that occur outside of the routinely reviewed data. This is not to say that the integrity of the product was compromised. However, the presentation to a lot of work to become smooth and consistant. I have to say, today, across my desk passed the most beautiful data package i've seen in weeks. Apparently, I'm training them well.

So, today, I completed the last of it. This was the one hurdle that was standing between me and my scheduled trip to visit family next weekend for Thanksgiving. About a week ago, that hurdle appeared about 10 feet tall. Today, I passed it with ease. I would like to say that the product was delivered upon the completion of my review. Unfortunately, there is another day's worth of work for that little project. The thought of this brings up nice little thoughts of the integrity of one of my coworkers.

As QA, one of my jobs is to demonstrate the highest standard of integrity at work, lead by example, per se. I'm struggling with this current situation because, it is my belief that this particular person has been making "mistakes" in order to cut corners in her daily duties. Since this position is not a technical one, it is not my responsibility to correct her behavior, although I suspect that such behavior is beginning to affect her work with certain sensitive projects. So, I ask myself, what am I to do? She is "playing dumb" when confronted, but I believe that the "mistake" was made to make it appear that she had completed the project so she could move on to her weekend.

As a result, I was called upon on Monday to assist her in correcting the mistake in the most efficient manner. I have to say that I was a tad annoyed being pulled away from the high priority tasks that I was working on to "clean up" someone's mess. Admittedly, I showed it in my conversation, which, as I understand it, led to tears shortly after my departure from the room.

I have a hard time feeling sorry for this individual, because I can see where there are definate times when many of us have to step in to help her with her duties, and then when there are times, like those of late, where EVERYONE is busy, and we are expected to step away from our stuff to help her manage her screw ups, and we hear kudos being showered on her, as we faithfully peck at our keyboards. I may not *need* affirmations of the job that I am doing, but hearing that does not do alot for the pain in my neck from being hunched over data for three weeks straight.

*steps down from soapbox*

On that note, I'm in the home stretch to a glorious 9 days away from the office. Am I looking forward to making the 500 mile drive to Missouri? Not exactly. Once I am there, however, I have a good week of noting but crisp country air, and the joy of my extended family. *praying that they are all on their best behavior* It is a blessing that I'm driving my car. When things get too hectic, all I have to do is slip the key in the igition and get lost for a few hours with my favorite tunes playing in the background.

Sure, I'll come home to another high workload situation, but I have a lot to look forward to in that next month. Company Christmas party *companion yet to be determined*, a holiday visit from my aunt and uncle, and a milestone birthday, which I am not going to let bring me down. Of course, Christmas... my favorite time of year, the giving, the friendships, the candy canes!

Fed up and needing to vent

Its been an interesting week, including spending saturday and sunday without airconditioning, lilchem waking up with bronchitis sunday morning, and my having to take two days off of work to deal with aforementioned illness. I took all of that in stride, complaining minimally to most people, but tonight, when I came home to an 85 degree apartment, and a still sick child, I have to say I'm fed up!

I've called the office about the air conditioning 4 times in the last two weeks. I can understand that on the weekends, the neccesity to wait until Monday may arise, especially when you tell the office about it at 5 pm saturday afternoon. But tonight, my child is sick... and has been sitting in a stuffy apartment all day. I get home at 5:35 and go straight to the office... nothing... they are closed. So much for being resident friendly. I try to call, no answer. Apparently someone forgot to put the phone on night ring, or whatever.

So, here I am, attempting to cool the apartment down, with two cats, a guinea, and a sick child, all looking at me as if they are dying, and there's not a damned thing I can do!

So, tomorrow, my ass is going to be parked at the office door when they open asking to speak with the manager. And he/she is going to get a talking to.

This is rediculous. There is obviously something wrong with this unit, and they are going to fix it. And now I must wander off to hit something... or clean.

What a nice house you have!

First of all, it has come to my attention that I may be a bit forward when posting to this blog. Well, let me say this. I am at heart a writer. Perhaps not by trade, but my thoughts lay on the screen better than they lay in my head. I choose to lay them here for the amusement of others, and perhaps the shock and amazement.

With that said... I had an interesting evening. Lil'Chem's end of year volleyball party was tonight, and I had the pleasure of accompanying her. The party occured in the amazing house that makes my measley apt look like a crackerjack box. I tried to play of the intimidation as I entered the party and realized that I was in for a night for the books. Not only was I the youngest parent there, it was quite obvious that these people were out of my league.

It sucks being an outsider.

I knew I didn't have anything in common with these people. Their girls had all grown up together. Went to the same elementary schools... in the same soccer league... played softball together. My daughter, the shortest in the group, does not live in their neighborhood, does not play sports with them, and is apparently "zoned" to the "wrong" highschool.

Regardless of my intimidation, everyone was extremely friendly. And I even got to chat with a teacher that I've noticed around the school.

Driving home through this neighborhood, I got this crazy feeling of regret. Regret for my station in life, for the choices i've made, for the life ahead of me. If I had made smarted decisions as a teenager, and not ended up pregnant at 16, would I have gone on to college, and a successfull career? Would I have set myself up to be financially steady before starting a family? Have I hurt my child because I couldn't/can't afford to put her in soccer/softball/lacrosse/swimming/ballet?

If I had made better choices, is it possible that I could be in a house like that? Am I lame enough to even care?

I know the answer. The answer is that I am still young. Its that I still have many good years ahead of me. I'm successful considering the circumstances. After all, I could be the mother 0f 3, married to a dead beat, sitting at home watching soap operas waiting for the food stamps to come in. When I look at it that way, it doesn't seem so horrible. I may not be able to give her everything that her classmates have today... but she's learning something by watching me, and that sits well with me.

Guess who's back!

This seems to be a constant struggle for me. Do I want to be alone? Am I satisfied by myself? Why do I have this screaming desire to get out there and meet someone awsome? And why do I have this dreaded sense that I'm going to be waiting for a while?

I've got my life as together as most people... and yet I feel that there's something missing. Isn't that the ode of the successful single? satisfied in life, and yet there's still something missing. Its funny how that works. I've got a kid, and she's awsome. She keeps great company, and enjoys doing most of the same things that I do, but still, when it boils down, I'm lonely as hell.

I have to admit, that this period of solitude has allowed me the time to develop some good friendships, the kind of friendships that are going to last a long time. And while friendships are extremely important, and I'm learning that everyone who has come into my life is here for a reason, friendships don't replace the intimate connection that I'm needing right now.

So, what? How do I move past this hopeless feeling that I'm doomed to continue on the path I'm on, flying solo? Is that addage that my friend bong swears by true? Is the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else? Who am I getting over? Who am I getting under?

I know what the cause of my restlessness is... Its the season. Its Fall. I love Fall. Its a season of romance for me. And here I am whining about the lack thereof.

I'm told not to look for love, that it will find me when the time is right. So I sit... wait... and knit.